Monday, February 27, 2012

Writing; On my poetry and other things

I haven't written any kind of poems/poetry lately because I guess I haven't been inspired. When I would write poems it was because my life felt like it was in a downward spiral, and it wasn't looking up. Now I realize that's probably a little dramatic, but my pre-teen/teenage years sucked. I'm not here to bore you with those stories. It's was just a little history. Those were probably some of my most depressing writings I'd ever done. I'm talking suicide, cutting, and a bunch of other things. I think I knew in the back of my mind that I wouldn't actually do anything, but it helped to write it out. If you've ever been depressed, or had that worthless feeling then maybe you know what I'm talking about. I don't know.

When I write it's something that's very, very personal to me. My poetry is an opening to my soul, it's an opening to how I perceive things. If it's something I'm afraid to say to someone, or out aloud I write it. It doesn't always make sense to me, but then again not everything has to I guess.

With that being said here's something I wrote last night.
It's not titled yet because I couldn't think of anything. Suggestions?

My heart is not an easy thing to open up
Trust, respect, and love
Those are things that are earned
and that's something you'll have to learn
It's a process for me,
It doesn't happen overnight
and if it's something you want
then just keep up the fight
Love me for who I am
the good times and the bad
there's time when I'll be happy 
and times when I'll be sad
and then those times in between
when nothing seems to go right
and all I wanna do is give up the fight
Those are the days I'll need you
to help me understand
That everything will be better
if we walk hand in hand.

I wrote this last night after I had this crying spell. I'm not sure what triggered it if anything. I have moments where everything is fine, and then the tears just come out. Not many people understand that if it happens I'll get over it. They think it's something they did, and feel horrible because last night coming back from a meeting at work, Ryan was bringing me home and something in me decided that I was unhappy or mad or whatever when i really wasn't. I tried so hard not to let it happen to keep it hidden until I got home and he wouldn't notice, but I failed. I think we stayed out in his car a good 20 minutes. I was like just go see your friends like you were going to, and I'll be fine.Trust me it's nothing you did and it'll go away. That so did not work, and I admit I love him for caring so much, knowing that he wants to make things better for me, and knowing that he would drop whatever to try and comfort me, but I guess I also don't want to be that girl that keeps him from being with his friends and living his life. I don't know. We sat in the apartment for at least and hour and a half  after that me crying pathetically and him with this look of I wish I could make it better ( at least that's what my thought was. It could have been what the hell have I gotten myself in too) Anyways, that's what inspired this poem I guess you could say. He's only ever seen the side of me thats happy, and not in that sad place that I sometimes fall into.

10 comments:

  1. I like your poem and I think its a good outlet when life gives us emotional overload.

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  2. It's awful when you feel like that and don't know what it is that makes you upset. Ryan is such a sweetheart to stick by you like that.

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    Replies
    1. He's definitely a sweetheart I couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

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Happy Reading and Blogging, Ashley

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