Saturday, June 4, 2011

Real(life)ity VS Bookality

The birth of this post was thought up because I think wayyyy to much about certain things. I know hard to believe right? I think about what's going on in my life and then I look back at books I've read and I wonder. How would those characters have done it? How would they have handle the situation? If they overcame the problem could I? Okay, I realize it's a book and it's written like that, but what if they were real people?

In books where the friends/best friends get into big fights things almost always turn out for the better. (At least I think so.) Forgive and forget or forgive and get over it...right? What if that's not so easy? Real life is never as easy as 1...2....3. It's never whats done is done and that is that. When things are said to one another there's usually some truth in what's said. It's now out in the open and it can't (and won't) be forgotten that's how people are. We hold grudges. (or maybe that's me) We remember everything. (or in my case I tend to remember the stuff that's most hurtful.) the worse it is..the harder it is to forget. I know I'm probably not making any sense to those of you who decide to read it. Part of me wants to remain stubborn and say it was all her fault, but then the other part knows that it's never just one persons fault. It takes two people fight and both to keep it going, but one can change the outcome. I'm just not sure I can be the one. What if she doesn't care anymore for the friendship? Would I just be setting myself up for more disappointment?

What also got me thinking about this particular thing is I finished reading Sean Griswolds Head by Lindsey Leavitt. (I know the book has little to do with friendship. It has more to do with a girl and her family going through stuff) but in it Payton and her friend get in a fight. I couldn't help but looking back on the fight I had with my BFF and wonder if I had messed up. I understand friends get in fights, but I guess I'm being stubborn not wanting to be the first to admit that I was being stupid. (Now I'm not saying she wasn't wrong for what she said) I just can't imagine staying mad forever, and I miss being able to talk to her. I miss doing things together walmart shopping, movies, hanging out watching supernatural, writing our story, going on vacations together. So are my feelings normal, or is it because I'm just feeling lonely and want someone to feel this void I seem to have?

I can't bring myself to text her and just say hi or how are you. -sigh- I'm definitely not like any of these characters at least they have the courage (or balls whatever you want to call it) to try and be better. Rejection, Disappointment, hurt those are things I'd rather not feel.

On some side notes:
1. Maybe a month or so ago my friend came into where I worked with her grandparents, and while I was helping them she never once looked at me or said anything to me. I know I could have taking the step and been nice, but I guess it hurt to see her ignore me so I did the same.
2. Today I was shopping at walmart with my mom, and apparently she was there as well and ran into my mom, and she asked How I was. So does that mean something? Or am I looking to much into this?

I'm telling you my mind is at a constant battle with who knows what.
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A little look at what has me thinking:
THE BEGINNING: There's a little more to the story then what was exchanged between us on these conversations, but I think I was irrtitated so much that I really just couldn't talk or type anything else. I was literally shaking and having an anxiety attack at the time too. So yeah. If you want to know more I have an older post back in december I think that explains things more.


MY FRIEND: I feel a little pathetic but I dont wanna leave my window in case I see Toby out there so I can run out and save him :(. Seems like I'm the only one who cares that he's out freezing in the cold and starving!
ME: I'm glad to know you think I don't care about my dog, and that i'm some horrible person because I LET this happen. Out of everyone you should know damn well that's not true. You weren't there when I found him gone or the window broken, or when I went to the office crying to them to see if they found him. Do NOT act as if I DONT CARE. You don't think I feel bad, guess what I do

A MONTH AFTER:
MYFRIEND:
Hey I just want you to know I'm sorry about Toby.
I know you loved him and you must know how much I loved him too.
You made a bad choice but I had no right to say the things I did. I am sorry.
You're my best friend, Ashley and we've been through a lot together.
I'm bitter about him dying and a lil
frustrated that you never called me for help but I do love you!

ME: You don't think I know I made a bad choice.
You don't think I have a constant guilt now. everytime I see a picture of him now I cry.
Those made for some of the wost weeks I've been through.
I know you loved him, he was your dog before mine. It's definitely made me realize things.

MYFRIEND: I know you are aware of what you did. Im not trying to make you feel worse...
I just want you to know that I'm still here for you!!
ME: Alright.

ME: Alright
MYFRIEND: I love you. I'm going to bed but if you need to talk or get
away you can always call me or come over... no judging from
It was an accident what happened. Goodnight


I haven't talked to her since this.
So do you all think book friendship are anything like real life friendships? Sorry to totally bore ya'll with personal problems.


-edited- June 10,2011
So I apologized. We went and hung out, ate dinner, and saw a movie. I'm very glad I did. Thank you for those that read this or responded on twitter ya'll were helpful, and it means alot to me that people take the time out to read and help. I can say that if you've been there or whatever that it's feels better to apologize and have your friend back. :) Then wasting anymore time because you never know what might happen.

5 comments:

  1. Dearest Ashley. Nothing hurts as a broken friendship - it is worse than losing a boyfriend really because friends are supposed t always be there through better and worse. I have been there and I know exactly how much it hurts.... If I can give you advice, I think that what you need to do is to determine how much the friendship means to you. If it means a lot, you need to do all you can to save it. Even if that means swallowing some pride and writing your friend a long letter or going to her house unannounced to talk things through. In a good friendship it is crises like these that make the bonds stronger. I hope you get through all of this. If you want to talk, you can always reach me on wickedwonderfulwords@gmail.com

    All the best, Willa

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  2. I agree with Willa, Ashely. If you really believe a friendship is worth saving, you do everything in your power to save it. Friends sometimes say hurtful things without meaning to, but we are all human. I've had plenty of fights with friends, and I knew that sometimes it sucks to be the first to talk after a fight, but someone has to speak first before healing can happen. You CAN get through this. I am wishing you the very best.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Willa- Thank you so much for saying this. I keep thinking over and over what should I do. Funny thing is I know what I want to do. I want to make it right. The friendship means alot to me I don't want to give up on 10 years of friendship, and I keep telling myself this, but I can't take that step. I've asked others as well, and it seems to be the same answer. I love how everyone around this community cares and tries to help.

    BG- Yeah we definitely have had fights, but just none that ever lasted this long. I think maybe the longest we even went was a week or so before one of us txtd the other and said sorry. I'm sure I'll end up doing something. I just can't find the right way to I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your post really got me thinking Ashley, about the friendships that I have let go other the years. In one of them my girlfriend just drove me crazy. She always wanted to get her way and was terribly domineering. Now I haven't seen her for two years, haven't answered her emails and your post actually made me feel really bad about it. So I am going to reach out and see if I can salvage what is left of the friendship. Thanks for making me think.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Willa- Aw I'm glad it helped. My friend is/was like that also, but I think that's just her personality. Problem is we're complete opposites when it comes to our personalities so we're bound to but heads every once in awhile, and if this was the first really bad fight out of ten years that has to mean something works with our friendship. What is they say opposites attract. (I know its meant for people who love each other but you get the picture).I hope everything works out. :)

    ReplyDelete

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Happy Reading and Blogging, Ashley

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